Highlights: Ears | Seven Habits of Highly Effective Listeners (1-3)
A checklist for listening well
First, keep the focus on the other person
A support response does this by asking questions and reflecting/paraphrasing what the other person is saying.
While listening...One of the most helpful things we should be listening for is an open door to ask another question. The insight you are seeking is often not behind that first, second or third door but many layers deep into the conversation. The key to each door is another question. (Smart Leadership, Mark Miller)
Second, stay mentally engaged.
Because we can think a lot faster than someone else can talk, we have a lot of extra mental
band-width/horse-power when we’re listening to someone.
Don't multitask. And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand. I mean, be present. Be in that moment. Don't think about the argument you had with your boss. Don’t think about what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it. Look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. (Celeste Headley, TED Talk - “Ten Ways to Have a Better Conversation.)
Use your extra mental bandwidth by: 1. Evaluating non-verbal communication 2. Looking for the next question to be asked 3. Listening with one ear to what God might be saying to you in the conversation.
Third, be cautious about giving advice.
Advice-giving is a “shift response.” The focus changes from what the other person is feeling and needs to say to what you think. This shuts down their ability to process their own emotions. In my own experience most people already know what they need to do. But what they need first is to process what they are going through.
For most people in most situations a more fundamental need is simply to be understood. ( It’s Not about the Nail - YouTube )